life

Back to U2 because I read that "One" is like number two on the most requested list or something like that. I wondered which one that was and discovered I have it. So back to U2. And trying to burn a CD. Something most people have mastered. I used to burn CDs for a living. But that was 6 years ago. Doing it for fun is much harder.

Had a lovely dinner with family to celebrate my son's one year wedding anniversary. The best Veal Scalopine I have ever had. Yummy sauce.

What does this have to do with art? Time will tell.

html that works, maybe

Radio
It's way too early for Christmas. But not too early to test the html. Darn AOL support staff refused to tell me how to do this. I had to find it in a blog! And an AOL popularized one as well.

Staying Home
As you can see, maybe, I have opted for the short route and stayed home instead of cruising for excitement. I've moved on from my U2 fest to a Neil Diamond fest. I'm not looking at the recent pictures of him, though. And you shouldn't either. It's sad. He still sounds good. Sorry, Neil. I know I wouldn't pass the aged body test either but then I'm not onstage in Las Vegas in front of hundreds of people.

Not Here
It's okay. I don't have to worry about it. No one comes here. I have a real genius for making things that others totally ignore. I would be great as a secret agent. No one would know I was there. The invisible woman. So enjoy your time without me. I'm going back to doing nothing and checking this to see if my invisible html really worked.

tonight

Since I didn't go to work yesterday (and ate like a pig instead) I am full of energy and wishing someone would go with me to get a drink and listen to loud music. I guess I'm actually happy but sad because I have no one to share it with. That's okay. I'll be over it soon.

I've been doing morning writing but not much art except for the daily message. Turns out there are artists and writers in my family line. A great grandfather who was an artist. He painted the original tole decorations on the outsides and insides of houses in Germany. During the winter he renewed the crosses in the cemetaries. What a life!

My sister is writing two books. I have a cousin that writes for the newspaper and used to be a producer. My mother writes and has a couple of books published (and other stuff). So here I am.

I got my haircut adjusted today. Maybe I'll post a picture someday. I'm very happy with it. Mark this moment. I'm not often happy with my hair.

I've acquired a new roommate named Eithne Agrippa. She (he?) is a fire lizard. Small, black and very quiet. Eats dried bloodworms. Yummy.

That's it for now. Maybe I'll be back later if I'm still bored.

software

I've decided to upgrade my software. Bryce 3D isn't made for Mac anymore. Corel just makes it for the PC. Nice and cheap, though. I've found another software called "Carrara" which looks really good. There's the basic version for $99 and the Studio version for $399. I can't afford either one so it's a moot point. But, of course, I would love the Studio version. The people who make it (eovia) have combined Infini D and Raydream. It renders beautifully.

Eventually, I will have to upgrade. I can't keep on using this old OS 9 version of Bryce. It's great but I need to move on. Maybe it will be a Christmas present.

work

I would dearly loved to be released -- from financial restrictions, from the laws of physics, from obligations, from social situations. I fear it's an endless list.

Above is the modified image with working title "highlands." The poor baby rock is now floating. I'm trying to resolve the rendering misses. The misses are those slanted black shadows. I hope you can see that they are angular, flat planes. Not real shadows. I'm working with smoothness and slope noise. The smoothness changed the shape of the mountain and actually left the rock inside it so I move it out. I get weary waiting for my machine to render. Actually building and moving don't take that long.

Updated website today. Wrote a letter.

lately

Wonderful day cheering runners at the SunTrust Marathon. I had no idea it could be so invigorating and uplifting.

Did a little work yesterday re-rendering my last work (the one with the mountain holding a rock). Needs more work.

Today was a play day. Tomorrow I work again.

goodnight

Goodnight. I'm going to bed.

waffling

It's about this time of year that it becomes apparent to me that I am not going to be Santa Claus. I have these vast generosity dreams of showering everyone I know with pertinent, thoughtful, exciting presents. Probably just guilt over being an introvert all year.

These thoughts lead me to take stock of my life to this point and it seems like i have never committed one way or the other to any clear goal. I'm treading water--holding a place--until I decide what I'm going to do. I never thoroughly do anything. Well, that's not true. I do give myself up to whatever I'm into at the moment but those moments never seem to add up to anything.

I just went out and looked at the full moon and the bright stars. It's warm and clear outside. I wish I were on a boat in the ocean so I could see the stars wheeling. I've heard they do that and it sound so nice. The wind is briskly blowing the trees so that they look like they're at an entmoot. Trees are my friends. They know everything but they don't talk much.

Anyway, at this time of year I feel I ought to decide one way or the other, to either be Ms. Super Career Woman or to get on with my poetic, artistic existence, sell everything and wander the world in search of true enlightenment. As if I could have made a choice before this and have gotten all the money I need to be Ms. Generous Claus. Ms. Benevolent. I think it also stems from guilt over the joy I have in being alone. I can get up at 4:00am and go outside and no one runs after me with annoying questions. Like "Honey, what are doing up at this time of night? Are you okay?" And I'm thinking, Yes, I'm super okay. It's the best time of the day, quiet and mysterious and I can feel closer to the universe than during the day. It's like my private time with the universe. All that questioning spoils my mood and disconnects me.

Deep in my soul is a happy humming to the beat of the universe. When it's quiet I can hear it. When it's noisy I can see it. I see it everywhere. Don't bother me. I'm busy.

writing and such

The sample web site I made has been well received. I was told that both samples were great. So I now have a project! I'm glad to be doing it. I hope it turns out as great as I think it will. Should be fun.

Meanwhile, I'm writing. I wrote this morning. Called my sister this afternoon and we discussed our writing journeys. Turns out she's writing a couple of books. I'm looking for a class or workshop that can assist me in resolving the technical aspects of developing a story I'm working on. Another venture!

Last night I dropped in on an AOL Arts chat: "The Studio Chat." It was fun to hang out with other artists. I've also joined two AOL groups, The Studio Place, and DE Artists' Cafe Atelier. Thursday I plan to drop in on the cafe atelier chat.

All of which left me with little time to work on my visual art. Maybe later.

yesterday

Meloncholy actually comes closer to how I feel.

Yesterday I went to a 12 step meeting for artists. Believe or not, one exists. I think there may be a 12 step program for just about everything.

It's embarrassing to admit that I am not doing as much as I could. But I am doing something. This morning I blogged instead of doing my morning writing. Now I'm going to update my daily message (which is now linked into my AOL homepage).

First Friday On and Off Broad

Just back from First Friday [http://www.firstfridayrichmond.com/]. Went with some Mensa buddies. It's nice going with friends. The people watching is the best anywhere. The art is fantastic. Everything from amateurs to highly polished, professional works.

I'm tired tonight so not quite the fun experience it usually is. I go because I like to see who's interested in Art. Although, they aren't all there for the art. It's also about people who like to attend festivals and be seen in trendy places, because, believe me, this is the edge! (At least in Richmond it is.)

Something nice happens to me as I watch people looking at art. Something about the expressions on their faces and the attitude of their movements shows how important art is to them. Even when they aren't looking at the art it still affects them. It reminds me how precious artworks are ... and how powerful.

where i am

Pensive. I'm pensing. And having a glass of wine, which according to "Slaves of New York" should stop me from pensing. It's not working. And neither am I. I did my 15 minutes this morning. But that's it. Pinot Grigio.

I am white wine but prefer beer ... beer that's full of hops and also white beers. I am "Defending Your Life" and Mozart. I am a new hair cut. Yippee! It's looks great! I am a tree about to fall on my house in the front yard.

I am the lack of an angel. I am back pain relieved. I am the remnants of old relationships. I am the future. I am the past. I am. (I said. To no one there.)

I painted my kitchen walls again. Another coat of yellow and I can move on to tourquoise. I'm sure you're really curious to know how it looks. Maybe I show you.

I am finished.

destiny

I've just consumed 1.5 oz of Pringles Sour Cream and Onion chips. And worked. I'm up. What can I say? I've given up on sleeping through the night. Too many things demand my attention.

What I like about this picture: the story that it brings to me -- of a tribe of mountains traveling through the water like whales. The mountain in the front has a child resting on it's surface like it's being held. For the stone child it's a position of worship. I'll bet you didn't know stones grow up to be mountains ... I also like the atmosphere of serene peace. All is well.

My mood is not really loopy but that comes closest to what I'm feeling. Whenever I sense destiny I see arbitrariness. Like destiny chooses us, we don't choose it. I guess I'm feeling acceptance of what is right now. That feels a little loopy. Isn't it our destiny to make choices?