Apogee

There are times in the cycle of my life when I use up all the stored resources I can find, anything tucked away in a special place, in short, I liberate every financial store available. I get down to zero, clear out the records, and start again.There have been a few these already. I thought I was over that. I'm discovering it's part of my pattern.

The Fool, Circle of Life Tarot deck
© 2008 Lo Scarabeo

The fallow periods seem to last about year. Each time, lucky for me, someone has been there to catch me. After high school and college there were my parents, their couch, and months of old movies. After the divorce, there was my New Man, months of travel, and a lot of freedom. During the next rough period I was still with the New Man. He didn't appreciate my laying fallow but he hung in there and I began again.

Following each fallow period, I took refuge in a job for job's sake—primarily to make money. Each time the job was a little closer to my true nature. This time, I'm resisting the "jane job." I'm trying to find a way to generate income that will give me joy and let me make a contribution doing what I love to do. Hopefully, to avoid another fallow period. I'm tired of starting over. And I want to do work that lets me use both sides of my creative nature, not just the conceptual, outside, organizing part.

This time my personal low cycle has coincided with the world's depression, making the fallowness twice as long. This time there is no safe haven. I don't have the luxury of disengaging completely and cocooning. This time, although I have been helped by family, it's been mostly the government there to catch me. They catch neither gently nor with loving concern, patience, or understanding.

Where there is apogee there must be perigee. Where there is nadir there must be apex. Any gambler or Taoist can tell you that. I'm gambling that all the effort I've put into developing work congruent to my true nature will pay off. That I'll be able to generate income from work I love and feel called to do. I'm not sure exactly how that's going to happen. I'm leaving that part to the powers that be.

The Sun, Mantegna Tarot Deck