Camp NaNoWriMo: Day One

Story Reaper
by Elaine Greywalker

The sun is falling down, shining into my eyes in a really inconvenient way. The dog is whining outside my bedroom door. What have I accomplished on this first day of April madness?

1. Caught up on all the "Now What?" posts and emails from NaNoWriMo. Mostly they're about revision and editing and getting all fired up for that.
2. Crafted a funky book cover for whatever it is I'm writing. Officially:  a film script. Unofficially: who knows.
3. Cleaned up from yesterday's Easter banquet. (This included myself and my two house mates. So, not the sort of banquet you might suppose.)
4. Reviewed two of my novels, a few plot scribblings, and assorted odd text files looking for ideas and inspiration. 

The idea for Story Reaper came to me as a mash up of the faded memories I have of a short story I read years ago and one of my novel drafts. I don't remember which novel. Anyway, that's as far as I've got. 

Tonight I need to make some notes and start writing. Anything. Anything at all that might be in any way related to what the heck a story reaper is and what he/she does. Even if it means I figure out what he has for breakfast and what color he likes. And his gender.

Resistance vs Aversion

I  have spent so much of my life doing the “right” thing, making myself do things and participate in activities (like certain jobs) or hang with people I didn’t like or even intensely hated. I got very good as submersing my feelings and just getting on with it.

The backlash began more than five years ago, while I was employed as a graphic designer for a bank. Or maybe even before that when I found “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron or maybe even further back when my children were young and I ended up on my own with them while my then husband worked in a distant land making tons of tax-free money.

In any case, or even in all cases, the impetus grew in me to yield to my true desires and feelings, growing stronger over time until I can no longer make myself do anything I don’t feel like doing. Some have treated me like a recalcitrant child informing me that “adults” get on with it.

That is as may be.

However, I have also had many so-called “peak” experiences discovering that wonderful feeling of well being when I am in flow, doing what I enjoy, which makes me happy and is congruent with my inner direction. This is most important! When I do these things my blood pressure lowers, I lose the desire for overeating, I am energized and optimistic, and, I am sure, improving the quality of my life as well as lengthening it.

Why would I ever do anything I didn’t like? Anything that didn’t concur with my inner adviser? Anything that was incongruent with my true nature?

There are a lot of reasons. Some of them involved surviving childhood, adolescence, and “making a living.”

Aversion
I am averse to participating in activities that cause my blood pressure to rise, that stress me out, make me unhappy, or put me to sleep. In other words, I don't like things that are bad for me or go against the grain.

Resistance
Resistance is a bit more difficult to recognize. Resistance may come across as dislike, fear, rebellion, zoning out, or temporary amnesia.

To qualify: resistance is not doing something I really enjoy and is good for me. As opposed to aversion which is not wanting to do something I don’t like. Are we clear? Good.

So, to get on with it. When I am in resistance I sometimes get the same feeling as when I dislike something. How to tell the difference? When I dislike an activity that I previously enjoy immensely. That is resistance.

When I am in resistance I have fears — irrational fears, nebulous, unexplained fears. And then I get angry because I know I am resisting.

Resistance can be rebellion. As in, “No! I’m not doing this thing I like to do just because!”

Zoning out happens when I think about or plan to do an activity that is really good for me and that I like a lot. And the amnesia thing can happen when I remember only the bad parts of a great activity or when I forget that I have a lot of resistance around a particular activity.

To Illustrate Resistance
During the last year I lived in Richmond VA I discovered Yogaville. Going there was a spiritual and aesthetic experience — a double whammy because aesthetic experiences are spiritual.

I decided to return the following month, showing up for meditation at noon at the Lotus, having lunch, and driving back. The month after that, on the day I had planned a visit, I felt angry and irritable. All I could think about was the long drive (1.5 hours one way) and all the other things I had to do. So I didn’t go.

It didn’t take long before I felt horrible. All month I noticed the sinking feeling and lack of spirituality that came from not visiting.

The next month on the planned day, I forgot about the resistance and was about to cancel the trip when I remembered that all the negative feelings were just a part of the process. I’m not sure where all this crap comes from. Some of it comes from the anxiety of being afraid that the thing I really like to do will not happen as planned.

Eventually I saw all the feelings I had: anger, frustration, fear, and zoning out as a self-defeating way to keep myself from having a wonderful and renewing spiritual experience — something I loved and which was good for me.

Novelling
All of this to tell you that I have resisted writing all day. I will now go and finally write because I have caught up on all the niggley things I’ve put off for weeks. There’s really nothing left on today’s list but to write.

And here’s another form of resistance: preferring to do things that are boring IN COMPARISON TO the thing I need, want, and plan to do that is good for me.

Oh! And here’s another dumb thing I do: put off actually doing the thing I want to do because the anticipation of doing the fun thing feels so good. I don’t know. I might be crazy.

Caveat: these “fun things” generally involve creativity like writing.

Gak! Why am I still here? Think of how many words I could have written if I had worked on the novel instead of blathering.

Something I worked on and finished today instead
of writing my novel.

Gadgets for Living Off the Grid

I revisited my fascination with living off grid today because I'm moving next Saturday and I have nowhere to go. Except, perhaps, to my tiny third acre of desert outside of Belen NM. The major sticking point for me is that I have a delightful iMac which I need in order to breathe.

Solar Power
Anyway, I got sucked into this really interesting web site of a company that makes real apocalyptic solar-power generators with military versions. Or, at least, to something they call military specs including camouflage coloring. They make neat backpack solar chargers as well as survival packages.

This led to other versions of solar power, including this nifty modular item from Cabela's that enables solar panel and battery storage chaining. (Watch the video!) They have a cool Wind Generator that you can plug into a battery storage unit. Wind and solar! You're covered!

I found an interesting article about African's who live off the grid because they have to. And a cool company called Bare Foot Power that makes solar-power gadgets with Africa in mind. Right now, on this planet, ordinary people are using solar power to get along day by day. Encouraging!

For those of you who like to make your own, there's this guy. 

Accessories

While I was at Cabela's I revisited the Shower, Toilets, and Accessories section aka "other ways to poop and pee." At one time I considered living in a van, so having ways to eliminate human wastes was a vital element. Unfortunately, I don't feel I can seriously consider van living. I like my comfort too much (i.e., running water, comfy bed, shower, desk space, etc.) to take the plunge. Also, the paranoia would take away much of the smugness of being able to live off the beaten path. There's a Yahoo! group for that, if you're interested. Most of the women swear by the Lady J.

Shelter
As to the shelter part, once you have the power and the waste issue resolved, any kind of structure can serve as a house. So, why not Darryl Hannah's environmentally friendly tipi? While you're there, check out the solar powered boat which looks big enough to live on. Theoretically, I could drive to NM, gut my car, add extensions, and live in that. Or maybe I could sell it and use a truck instead.

Water
Water is the unresolved problem. My little third acre of desert has no water and piping in municipal water would be self-defeating. I haven't found any solutions to porting water. Sure, there are purifiers, solar showers, and containers. I think you can even put a little tent over a hole in the desert and distill water when it's hot enough. Although that little tent only generates enough to slake the thirst.

Off-grid water supply usually involves deciding to settle close to a water source or digging a well, which also involves choosing an optimum site. Here's the beginning of a three part Mother Earth News story on off-grid water systems.

Conclusion
Okay. That was interesting and chewed up an afternoon. Don't think I'll be living off-grid anytime soon. Good to know I could, though, if I wanted to ... if I had to and preferred that to being city-style homeless or renting a room from one of my kids. As my Mom says, "Privacy is important."

Under Water

I had a consultation with a woman from HUD today. As she went down the list of expenses I found myself saying that I no longer buy clothes, get my hair cut, or go out to eat. I saw a picture of myself as person being shut out from society and also from any possible potential future opportunities that might arise through networking. And not just me but all the others like myself who have been out of work for a very long time indeed.

My conclusion: if you want to help an out-of-work friend get them a haircut, gather around a bunch of friends, and take them out to dinner. And then keep doing it. Keep them in circulation. Dropping out is the worst that can happen because it takes being in circulation to do just about anything.

As the unemployed drop out of circulation they are forgotten. And thus into the ever increasing downward spiral. I like to think there's another world under the blue of the ocean. I hope I find it.

Underwater Sky (2011)

Along the Road to the End ... of the Novel

No pirates are involved.

Yet another stopper/road block along the way to completed noveldom. I know what happens next. Yes, I have arrived at that point in the plot where the twistings and turnings have led to a rough ending. I could, if I chose, make more than one end—anyone with an imagination could. However, I have a favorite ending and I'll be writing that one, more or less.

This knowing—that I have things wrapped up and it's all done except for the scribbling and bibbling—is a stopper. Because I actually enjoy writing the story. Which is a little shocking when I look at my process and see all the effort that goes in to getting started.

That's deceiving, that effort. It leads me to believe I don't like writing when, in fact, I do which I confirm each time I start typing. I keep hoping one day sitting down to write will be effortless. Probably an unrealistic expectation. I thought that once I knew what would happen I would be drawn along and have a full day (or at least four to six hours) of mad writing to the exciting conclusion.

The excitement is at the beginning and middle. Not at the end. I like writing without knowing what's going to happen next. That's the adventure. That's the fun of it all.

I know I will write again. It's not like this is the last story I'll ever write. I am, however, attached to this story and want it to go on forever. At the same time, I'm eager for the story to end so I can wrap it up and let my friends read it. And perhaps get it published. And then have, like, a job or something.

So, back to writing. The whole 2k per day thing didn't work out as planned, so I am going with Plan B: writing to 70K. Let you know how that works out.
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"Uncle Tauber's Trunk" A retired writer and a CIA profiler riddle out the secrets of the contents of an old German trunk.
Statistics
Total Words Written: 61,519
Daily Word Count Goal: 2000
Words written today: 288 (so far)

Sophomore Slump: Taking the Long Way

I'm now at the novel-writing point where I get hung up in the tenses. I see that I have written most of the novel in first person (which I have never done before) past. First person aside, I tend to struggle a lot with whether to write something in the past or the present or even the present past (is that present perfect?). I wish I'd paid more attention in grammar class.

It's only in novel writing I get this way. In short pieces I have no problem on deciding the tense. It's kinda obvious.

At this stage I also have a lot of difficulty getting going. Basking in the glow of having started a novel makes it a lot harder to be motivated to continue. I'm so thrilled to have characters, a setting, the intimations of a plot, and thousands of words. I feel like I've arrived before I've finished.

The only solution is discipline—making myself sit down and write no matter what. Whether I know what I'm going to write or not (as if that mattered), whether I feel like it or not, and no matter how lovely it is outside or what strange housekeeping task needs to be performed. (There are none really. I live alone. Most tasks are either quickly done or optional.)

This is also the stage of the novel when I write silly posts in the blog (like today). Wasting time feeling productive instead of actually writing.

I also spend a lot of time "researching." And not just discovering actual facts which sometimes spur me to writing. Last night, for example, instead of writing I watched a movie. The movie was "The Long Way Home" with Jack Lemmon and Sarah Paulson. I called it research because the two main characters are similar to mine: a man old enough to be the woman's grandfather. I'm not sure what the possibilities are between such a couple, so I watched the movie.

Right. As if other possibilities matter when I sit down to write. Possibilities develop, don't cha know. I write in a way that the thing pretty much writes itself. Which means I write intuitively. It's messy. Then I go back and clean up.

Anyway, this is mostly drivel. The pure purpose of which is to get it out my head so I can get on with writing, which I will do now—once I've fed the dog, reviewed and published this post, and wandered out to the write-in I'm hosting at TaZa.

Work. Gotta love it.
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"Uncle Tauber's Trunk" An old man and a woman young enough to be his granddaughter riddle out the secrets of an old German trunk.

Word Count Statistics

Goal: 50,000 words by midnight Nov. 30

Today's Total: 16,648

Written Today: 110

TGIO - but I wish it wasn't

click to view my profile

The "Thank God It's Over" party has come and gone. And I am glad it's over but I'm not. For the last two years I have not been glad that NaNoWriMo is over. Yes, I was ready to celebrate reaching 50,000 words in 30 days. However, the story wasn't finished and I wanted to keep on writing. I did, for a time. This year I signed up with National Novel Finishing Month, but it's not the same. I have this dippy little counter to track my lack of writing, er, progress toward reaching my goal. I reckon about 30,000 ought to be enough to finish the story.

Screen capture of live update.

What I miss is the group support – knowing that in my Richmond area other writers are putting their noses down into keyboards and typing like furies to reach a really big goal. I miss the encouraging email from my Municipal Liaison (who also was typing furiously – this year while taking a trip to Italy). I miss the pep talk emails from published authors. I miss the video updates from Tavia et al and the silliness in the forums.

I'm no longer in this with everyone. I'm in this by myself. And, let's face it, if I could have written a 50K novel draft by myself I would have done it without NaNoWriMo. I keep hoping and believing that I will continue to write even after November is gone. That the gleam in my eye will continue to glow. That, this time, I'll remember how wonderful it feels to write regularly – the clear head, improved writing of everything (emails, blog posts, tweets, Facebook status updates), the irrational exuberance that tints my glasses and lights up my light.

Unfortunately all those effects and reasons aren't enough. I need a group. A motivated, silly, insane group with frivolous "winner" banners. Wisdom says I should start one. Hey, did you read the rest of this post? Especially the part about I would have if I could have???
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Working Titles
Cosmic Control: The First Age ( in revision: 22,309 of 70,000 written)
The Pathbreaker Agent (first draft: 56,367 of 80,000 written)

The happy winner page viewable only to those who verify over 50K.