Getting to Know Gurudev

Yesterday I spent a lot of time with Sri Swami Satchidananda. In the morning I honored his spirit at the morning puja and ate his food: digestive biscuits, sweet coffee, banana, and almonds. The coffee was the most revealing as it was prepared just for him. It's the kind of intimacy experienced when your father or grandfather lets you try his drink. You learn a lot about his preferences. So, here was a man who liked a high quality particular bean brewed well and then highly sweetened. There was some kind of creamer like milk or soy milk, too. He pampered himself with the coffee and he was very precise about how it should be put together.

At noon I saw his beautifully landscaped home (no photos allowed) arranged to very particular specifications. Water running down a hilly rocky trace into the ground. An abstract sculpture made of car exhaust fittings in the shape of an archway. Some kind of metal casting that looked like a squid in the wind.

Inside, a huge intricately carved panel depicting part of an ancient Indian saga across the room from an original oil by Peter Max, who was a good friend. A couple of images of his guru in between modest sculptures and art of great expertise and emotion arranged on two walls of bookshelves.

His chair was situated so that he could face guests while at the same time gazing through a wall of glass over his domain of shrines and rolling hills. A telephone ready close beside him. A man of action. One who took a personal interest in the day-to-day affairs and yet let others get on with their work.

I sensed an incredibly deep calm love for everything and everyone; an effusive abiding compassionate love that pierces to the core of the secret heart. Also, some anger and frustration. Well, who wouldn't be when trying to make the world a better place?

Most revealing was his voice. As the Swami had prepared for puja earlier that morning she played an endless recording of Gurudev chanting "Om hreem Nama sivaya." It was a resonant, calm, full-bodied voice speaking each word with perfect attention and devotion. Not a single syllable was curtailed. The concluding "ya" was given a subtle flourish as if to say "I love every nook and cranny of your name and can't wait to speak it again." The tone projected a deep confident faith in and devotion to god.

People talk of charismatic leaders as if it were a pejorative. His charm, even from a distance, was his sincere belief in and affection for God. Highly contagious and deeply inspiring.

First Real Stay at Yogaville

I've done day visits and one overnight; not anything longer. So, I signed up for three tenting nights and four fabulous days enjoying the spirit and offerings.

Tenting last night. My setup worked well. Rained though. A lot. And then it got so cold I needed a jacket. A friend, who was working registration, offered to let me stay at her place. So, now I have this great cottage for two nights. It's down a private road, beautifully decorated, and comfy. Supposed to be 37 degrees tonight!

Satsang and movie of Sri Gurudev yesterday. And this morning puja at Chidabaram with Swami Dayananda. Since it was just the two of us she let me do a some of it. I got to decorate Ganesha and share the light, among other things. Then she asked if I'd like to clean up. That was fun because we had a chance to chat while working. She said I could be a good pujanti (not sure about that word - a person who conducts pujas). Yay! She explained everything so nicely. She also said I had probably done puja in many lifetimes. I said,"No." And then, "We'll, maybe." And we smiled at each other.

Then another movie about Gurudev's life and Darshan at Gurudev's home. That was amazing! Kept as though he were going to turn up any minute. All his stuff laid out. Enjoyed seeing what sort of art he liked to have around. His favorite chair was decorated with a photo (large, framed) of him, draped clothing, and his final shoes beneath. Fresh persimmons afterward!

The only Hatha Yoga I've done is deep relaxation which is basically laying around. My right knee is killing me. I use the compression support in the morning but after 4 hours it gets annoying. Living on aspirin. Feels better after meals and when I'm excited or interested in something. Pops a lot. Scary. I miss being able to walk on the trails. Even getting in and out of the car is painful.

Helped clean up after dinner. The scheduled kitchen manager didn't show up so another experienced one stepped in. I got bogged down cleaning the condiments.

All the chanting has left fragments floating in my brain. Self starting fragments. Kinda nice. Sometimes i hear Sri Gurudev. Sometimes a chorus of devotees.

4 Basic Steps to Letting Go

1. Awareness. Before you can work on anything you must be aware. Issues enter into awareness in many ways. So, start with what you already know, what you are aware of. This can also be named "pay attention." Whatever you are aware of is where you begin. Enhanced by: Meditation
2. Understanding. Use awareness to stay focused on the issue. Don't berate yourself for having a problem, don't condemn the problem or label it, simply watch and pay attention. Learn exactly what the feeling, notion, habit, or thought is. Gather as much information as you can. Feel deeply. Experience fully. You can't get good information when you label, constrict, or limit knowledge. Open up and see all there is to see. Enhanced by: Research, Study
3. Objectify. If you continue to kindly pay attention, you will begin to objectify your understanding. You develop a sense of humor about it. You speak and think about it as a mere fact. "Oh, so that's how I do that!" "This feeling is arises when ever I ______!" You might find yourself laughing when you notice how and when you express or do this thing. It is no longer a horrible habit or a faulty feeling, it is simply that funny thing that you do. You are outside of the thing, seeing it as something attached to you, but not of you. Enhanced by: Meditation, Sharing
4. Let Go. Now you can let go. You see the attachment as something outside yourself. You see how it is activated and where, exactly, it is attached. Like a balloon on a string, you simply open your hand and let go.

This is not easy and will not happen overnight. You will have to repeat a step until you feel the next one coming into you. This is not a thought process. It is an experiential process. No shortcuts. No instant karma. No particular time table. Some issues will take a life time.

Choose a type of meditation that benefits you. Find teachers that make sense and help you advance. All good paths lead to the same outcome. Choose the path that is right for you.

Apogee

There are times in the cycle of my life when I use up all the stored resources I can find, anything tucked away in a special place, in short, I liberate every financial store available. I get down to zero, clear out the records, and start again.There have been a few these already. I thought I was over that. I'm discovering it's part of my pattern.

The Fool, Circle of Life Tarot deck
© 2008 Lo Scarabeo

The fallow periods seem to last about year. Each time, lucky for me, someone has been there to catch me. After high school and college there were my parents, their couch, and months of old movies. After the divorce, there was my New Man, months of travel, and a lot of freedom. During the next rough period I was still with the New Man. He didn't appreciate my laying fallow but he hung in there and I began again.

Following each fallow period, I took refuge in a job for job's sake—primarily to make money. Each time the job was a little closer to my true nature. This time, I'm resisting the "jane job." I'm trying to find a way to generate income that will give me joy and let me make a contribution doing what I love to do. Hopefully, to avoid another fallow period. I'm tired of starting over. And I want to do work that lets me use both sides of my creative nature, not just the conceptual, outside, organizing part.

This time my personal low cycle has coincided with the world's depression, making the fallowness twice as long. This time there is no safe haven. I don't have the luxury of disengaging completely and cocooning. This time, although I have been helped by family, it's been mostly the government there to catch me. They catch neither gently nor with loving concern, patience, or understanding.

Where there is apogee there must be perigee. Where there is nadir there must be apex. Any gambler or Taoist can tell you that. I'm gambling that all the effort I've put into developing work congruent to my true nature will pay off. That I'll be able to generate income from work I love and feel called to do. I'm not sure exactly how that's going to happen. I'm leaving that part to the powers that be.

The Sun, Mantegna Tarot Deck

Spirit Boat: Another 365 Make Something project

I'm doing it again! The "boats" will be posted in the Alien Drifter blog, just like the last project, Skies. I hope this project brings me closer to the spiritual underpinnings of my work and enhances my daily spiritual connection to the universe. Maybe it will do something for you, too!

Where is here?

"X" marks the spot.

While meditating one day I kept bringing myself back to the present, to my breath, by telling myself "Be here." or "Come back here." and "Welcome back!" And then I thought, "I am here." I'm here physically. Sometimes I'm elsewhere mentally, yet when I am "elsewhere" I am "here" in the thought. And then wondered where "here" really is.

Is here where my physical body resides? Yes. Is here where my mind is? Yes. Especially when I'm meditating because when I'm sitting in a chair and following my breath the only way to go anywhere is in my mind. Which brings me to my emotional state.

At some point I have to acknowledge my emotional state while I'm meditating. Because there always is one. The way I'm feeling influences where I go mentally and how difficult it is to stay present. And that's another place, another "here."

When I'm reading a book or watching a movie, particularly a engaging fantasy, I'm somewhere else entirely. Which is here and not here. Dreaming is another state that puts me in a dualistic "here."

There's also the parallel, tangental, and intersecting universes that spread out from where I am, spread out in mind and body and spirit. And spirit is another way to be "here."

For me, here is anywhere my awareness resides. I've kinda decided where "here" is can't be determined and doesn't really matter.

Where is "here" for you?

Start anytime. Start now.

You can start a new life anytime. You can begin right now, where you are, without any special knowledge or materials. 

• Pay attention to your breath. Become still and focus on your breathing. Experience the air entering and leaving your body. Do this as long as you can, whenever you can. I've done it while driving, while getting my blood pressure tested, and during meditation. This deceptively simple process can bring big changes.
• Turn off the labels. Stop labeling everything you see. Try walking and looking at your surroundings nonverbally, without having a running dialogue. Experience everything as if it had no name. As if you were a child who did not know what the names are. The label dampens experience and limits your awareness to a circumscribed level.
• Meditate. The simplest form of meditation is to sit comfortably, soften your gaze, and focus on the out breath. That's all there is to it. This is good practice for everyday living because it will heighten your awareness.
• Accept what is. Whatever is happening now, wherever you are, wether alone or with someone, you are exactly where you are meant to be. See your current circumstances as a gift. Embrace the universe. Stop and look around. See your reflection in the computer monitor, notice the dust being blown by the heating system, smell the odor of your space, hear the wind rushing through the trees, feel your skin holding in your intestines.
• Release your expectations. Expectations, like words, limit your experience. You will only see what you expect to see. What if you had no expectations, were not attached to any particular outcome? How would your situation change?

You can do any of these practices almost anywhere, almost any time. They are simple and free. You don't need a new year or a Monday to begin. 

Start now.